September is National Recovery Month, which I honor annually with a blog on a topic related to addiction recovery. In deciding what to focus on this year I wanted to share my philosophy regarding the most important part of addiction treatment and recovery: connection! This is not a novel concept that I can take credit for, it’s based in research and also something that millions of people “in the rooms” already know about.

In a popular TED talk entitled “Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong,”  journalist Johann Hari reviews the available research on the underlying causes of addiction and concludes that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it’s connection. This is echoed by many other researchers and addiction experts.

Going back to the 1950s, psychologist John Bowlby studied small children separated from their parents. When infants, toddlers, and children had safe and reliable caregivers, they become well-adjusted and emotionally healthier than those who don’t experience secure attachment early in life. Bowlby discovered that without secure early attachments, humans were more vulnerable to addiction.

I’m grateful to be a part of many wonderful clients’ journeys who were extremely generous in sharing with me what part connection has played in their recoveries. Collectively, these women have over 75 years of recovery under the belts! Here is what they had to say:

“Recovery can often feel like a solitary journey, but my experience has shown me that connecting with others is essential. Engaging with like-minded individuals who understand the pain I’ve faced has been incredibly healing. These conversations remind me that I am not alone; there’s a community of people who share similar struggles. In sharing our stories, we create a bond that fosters belonging and mutual support, reinforcing the idea that vulnerability is a strength.

These connections have not only inspired me but have also redefined my understanding of recovery as a shared experience. Hearing others’ stories of resilience ignites hope and reminds me that setbacks are part of the journey. I am grateful for the connections I’ve had, as they illuminate the path ahead and emphasize that healing is possible. If you’re navigating a similar path, I encourage you to seek out those who resonate with your experiences—you may find the strength that comes from knowing you’re not alone”.

“Connection has created a network of people that are also in recovery-I’ve found people who share my common interest & passion for recovery.  I’ve got true friends now which is all I ever wanted in active use but never truly had.

This thing works as a “we” instead of “me”.  I need people who can show me how life is done in recovery.  I need support and I need to give it back too.  It all started for me in 12 step meetings & it’s grown in many different circles but 12 steps was my foundation & still my home.  Don’t let the “god” stuff freak you out! Addiction = Isolation and Recovery = Connection”.

“I didn’t feel all alone in the fact that I had problems that I felt were shameful and also somehow knew they were sick/not normal. Listening and sharing with other along the journey has really helped my self-esteem and to fuel my courage to continue my journey.  I then knew that I was not alone and it helped give strength and courage to strive for better habits/behaviors”.

“Connection is the key to recovery. In the first days of my recovery, my sponsor made me call three women from the home group list every morning. I was a bit baffled by that and asked her what I was supposed to say? She told me just call them and tell them you’re new and your sponsor made you call and everything will happen from there. Then my sponsor made me the greeter at the door. I have no idea what that was but as people came in, and I said welcome and introduced myself they got to know me before I knew it. I was going to different meetings all throughout the town where I first got sober and people were saying hi to me. Those are your people.

As I became connected with those folks I was calling and greeting, I developed a group of women in my life who like me had small children and similar interests and I was able to spend time with them outside the meetings. These women from AA were true friends- if I was going to move, a dozen people showed up with a moving truck unlike when I was drinking and “friends” were supposed to show up and help but nobody ever did. I travel my journey of recovery. My sponsor also encouraged me to develop a relationship with a higher power that today I call God (in the beginning I was very angry with God  and wanted no part of God, but as I grew in AA, I grew in my faith). I have a connection with my higher power that I never dreamed was possible. Every morning and every night I hit my knees and I thank God for another sober day. Connections in the rooms of AA have taught me that there’s so much more to life than sitting at a bar! I’ve done amazing things with the women in the program and the social activities that are out there. Without connection to God and to the women of AA, I would not be alive today”.

“Connection in recovery has given me the family I never had. It’s people that accept me where I’m at no matter what.  It’s tough love when I need it the most. It’s giving me a sense of belonging and knowing I’m never alone.  It’s people that love me until I can love myself.

Build your network.  Get all the numbers you can.  Go to meetings. Talk to people.   Keep coming back.  Get a sponsor. You can’t have too many people in your corner. It does get easier.  There is nothing you have done (or nothing anybody has done to you) that has not already been done.  We have all been at day 1.  You can’t get 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 20 years, etc. without day 1. Just stay clean/sober for today.  One day at a time.  We will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  If all you did was stay clean and sober today, you’ve done something right!  Do not try and do it alone”.

Kelly Broadwater, LPA, LCMHC, CEDS-C is the Executive Director of Chrysalis Center and has been treating co-occurring substance use disorders and eating disorders for over 20 years. She is grateful to all the women who’ve been willing to share their wisdom, strength, and hope in this blog and beyond.

To watch the TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?subtitle=en

To get connected to area recovery groups:

https://sober.com/aa-meeting/wilmington-area-intergroup/

https://aanorthcarolina.org/meetings/

https://celebraterecovery.com/

https://wilmingtonncal-anon.org/find-a-meeting

https://adultchildren.org/meeting-search/

Grateful Ground Counseling has a monthly Connections group: https://gratefulgroundcounseling.clientsecure.me/

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Humans are social creatures and some very important aspects of the human experience are the relationships that we develop. Think about the different groups in your life of which you are a part. Do you have a circle of friends who provide support and enjoyment? Do you have a group of coworkers with whom you have developed relationships and appreciate spending time with? Have you ever been part of an athletic or educational team? What about a social media group based on your interests?

Maybe you have made long-lasting connections and bonds with people that you met during your time in a group or maybe you felt a sense of community and belonging after getting to know your fellow group members. We are all aware that entering a group of individuals we don’t know can be intimidating at first, but in considering these examples, I think we can safely say that there are some major benefits as well.

Now, imagine combining the positive aspects of being part of a group with the impact of a genuine therapeutic experience. Group therapy typically consists of three or more individuals being led by one to two clinicians. Many groups are designed to target a specific concern, while others may focus on a particular modality of treatment to target several different concerns. Groups can be an excellent supplement to individual therapy, as they provide several benefits that individual therapy does not offer.

• Group therapy creates a support network of individuals experiencing similar concerns. It is always validating to know that you are not alone in your struggles. Attending a group that is focused on a specific concern of yours can allow you to feel a sense of support and to show you what different stages of recovery look like.
• Group therapy allows you to not only receive but also to give support. Have you ever heard the saying “the best way to learn is to teach”? Group therapy provides the opportunity to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective in order to give others who have similar struggles feedback, which in turn can be helpful in re-framing your own thoughts and emotions about a situation.
• Group therapy helps in the development of social and communication skills. Group therapy provides a safe space for you to express your thoughts and opinions about a variety of topics. This can provide a good way to practice navigating differences in opinion with others in the group setting.
• Group therapy aids in improving self-awareness. Hearing others talk about situations and concerns that are relevant to you can encourage reflection about the ways in which you handle similar situations and promote growth when relevant.
• Group therapy can provide you with several perspectives. There is not any one right answer for everyone when it comes to mental health. Being part of a group gives you access to the ideas of several people who have been in your shoes. Maybe someone has an idea for targeting an unhelpful thought or behavior that you have never thought of. It can be helpful to hear a lot of different thoughts on one situation in order to avoid getting stuck in the same pattern of thinking repeatedly.

Whether you are a seasoned group attendee, or you have never attended a group before, joining a new therapeutic group always offers fresh opportunities and experiences. Give it a shot – you never know what you might learn about yourself and those around you!

Lauren Francis, MA is the therapeutic office assistant at Chrysalis Center. Lauren assists in administrative duties, facilitates groups, and ensures authorizations for IOP are in place with insurance companies. Chrysalis Center offers multiple outpatient groups. To learn more about our groups, or to sign up, contact our office at (910) 790-9500 to find out which group may be the perfect fit for you!